I Always Knew I Was Different
by AfghaniVeteranHedgehog
Summary: What if Loki learned of his true self when he was younger? Would things have been different between him and his brother?
1. Chapter 1

I always knew I was different. I could tell right from the start. And not just going by a gut feeling, no, I could tell I was different on the outside as well. I wasn't as strongly-built as Thor or Father, and neither my hair or facial features matched Father or Mother's. And through this, I had the constant sensation, like an annoying buzz in the back of my mind, that somehow, I didn't truly belong.

I always knew I was different. I just never would have guessed the truth would be so horrid.

The day I found out shall be forever scarred in my memory, both as a beacon of hope and a scar of fear for the monster I am. Mother was seeing Father privately in his throne room, but, me being me, I found a way to peek inside and listen in. They stood in silence for a while, staring each other down, then Mother spoke in a quiet whisper, "He has to know."

"No." Father practically growled. "It would not be right."

"Odin, he cannot live his life as a lie." She persisted. "He knows to some degree already that he is different. He _must _know, or else it will tear him apart from the inside."

He shook his head, saying, "Frigga, it would be heartless of me to bring this news to him. His people are those that I've always shunned and told him that they were an enemy. I do not wish this mentality upon him, or any of my people."

"Then I'll tell him for you. Loki is my son as much as yours, and he…"

I did not hear a word passed between them after that. I backed away from my hiding spot, and ran. I did not stop to see what exactly it was that I tipped over and sent clattering to the floor, nor check to see if the throne room doors opened like I thought. I kept running until I reached my chambers, where I collapsed in a tear-filled heap on my bed. I was normally very good at controlling my emotions of fear, sadness, and anger, but they all slipped from my grasp and drained so much energy that I do not even remember falling asleep.

I am not sure how long it was I slept, and the dream I had has all but faded; the only thing I remember from it was that I woke up n cold sweat, breathing heavily.

A soft hand brushed my forehead, and an equally soft voice spoke. "Be calm, my son. It was only a dream."

"No, it wasn't." I choked out, tears threatening to spill again. "It's real. I'm different from you or Father or Thor."

Mother knelt by my bedside and cradled my face with her hands, wiping away the tear that fell with her thumb. "That may be, but you're still my son, and I love you."

"But what _am_ I, then?" I whispered. "Why did I have to be different?"

She remained silent for a moment, eyes filling with sorrow and dread, then spoke in an even softer whisper, "It's easier if I showed you. Come."

* * *

"Mother, why are we _here_…?"

She didn't reply as we began our decent down the stairs and down the hallway towards the Casket of Ancient Winters, a trophy Father had collected from a battle with the Jotuns a long time ago. Mother stopped in front of it, turning to me and saying, "Go up to the Casket, and touch it."

I slowly moved up towards it, the air slowly growing colder (though I barely noticed it). Reaching a shaking hand out, I touched it, but instantly recoiled my hand back from its freezing surface. I noticed then that my hand was completely blue, and a strange yet almost comforting numbness spread up my arm as I found myself touching the Casket again. The blue hue spread up my arm under my sleeve, and I could see my other hand begin to change color. The numbness traveled up my neck and around my face, and I could almost feel the marks on my skin slowly becoming more prominent, the blood-red eyes replacing my emerald ones.

I always knew I was different, but not like this. Not like this.

Mother and I shared a passing glance as the numbness faded and my skin changed back to its pale hue. I knew what I was now, and I knew why she had to tell me now. To not tell would be detrimental to myself had I lived most my life a lie, and bad things would surely follow.

She told me about how I was found when Father was retrieving the Casket, how he decided to take me in and raise me, and who my biological father was. She told me why I was never told this before, and how Father was still unsure about the results revelation.

I looked at my still-blue hands, allowing myself to speak. "…Mother, whatever you do, please make sure Thor doesn't know."

"Alright." Mother said in a low voice, placing a hand on my shoulder and guiding me away from the Casket. Her last words to me that night were, "Remember that I love you, Loki. Always remember."

I always knew I was different. Whether that's a good or bad thing, though, I've yet to see.


	2. Chapter 2

**I'm not dead, guys! :D**

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I spent the next few days in my chambers after finding out, avoiding Thor at all costs. I heard Mother tell him that I was ill and needed some time alone; thank Valhala he was stupid and believed it. Even afterwards, when I was 'better', life was never the same.

It was just Mother, Father and I who knew of my true origins. Thor was too boar-headed not to notice the small flinches whenever he talked to me about hunting down the Jotuns and slaying them, or how I stood a little farther away from the Casket whenever we went down to see it. It was never the same between anyone in my family. Sure, I appreciated the space I was given, but it slowly became annoying how Father always kept an arms distance away from me, and how Mother was determined to 'protect' me from even the smallest of things.

The years scraped on almost painfully, each decade slowly ticking the time until Thor would rule. Each day called for drastic measures in hiding from my brother, as he discovered all my old hiding spots the day I did.

I wasn't entirely sure how I had found the portal in the cliffs that teleported even faster than the Bifröst, but it certainly came in handy when it came to avoiding people. The first time going through I landed was in Jotunheim, and, though I don't like to think about it, something might have seen me scramble back to the craggy entrance to the portal. Afterwards I landed on (hopefully) inhabited planets, which provided me refuge for an hour or two until I deemed it safe to go home.

On a far better note, I spent far more time with Mother than I used to, and she taught me just about everything I know. She taught me how to fight, how to help a king rule wisely and fairly (as Thor would probably come to me for advice on certain things), and, most importantly, how to use magic. Its uses varied from simple things like levitating and summoning small objects, to more complicated things such as casting illusions and changing my appearance. As I got better and better, I started having to use the portal in the cliffs as a hiding spot less and less, as I could rely on magic to weasel my way out of Thor's hair.

Our final lesson together, when I was the Midgardian physical equivalent of fourteen, could hardly be considered that. All Mother did was smile, straighten my clothes a bit, and said, "Good luck, my son." I never knew I needed it before _that day_ happened. The day that was supposed to be Thor's coronation to be the King of Asgard.

A while before the actual coronation ceremony, my brother joined me in as I was staring blankly out of a window in mild discomfort. It wasn't the events of this day that made me itch, but the armor that Mother insisted I wear. The clothing was practically rubbing my skin raw, and the more-than-slightly-ridiculous-looking helmet sat heavily awkwardly on my head, but even the greatest men who have an ounce of respect in them listen to their mothers.

Thor came and stood next to me, Mjölnir in hand and helmet atop his head (far less ridiculous than mine, might I add), sharing in the awkward silence for a while. At length, he spoke, saying: "Today is the day I've been waiting for near my entire life."

"Is it? I haven't noticed." I responded, fake spite and real sarcasm in my voice.

He chuckled, clapping me on the back, almost knocking my helmet off. As I adjusted it back on my head, it seemed as though Thor wanted to say something. Now, that wasn't too big of a surprise, but he looked…nervous. Extremely nervous, as though what he was about to say would potentially offend me in some way or another.

Clearing his throat, he began forming a word when the doors opened. We turned to see Mother approaching us, a slightly stern expression on her face. "There you two are!" She led us both away by our elbows. "The ceremony's about to begin! And I find you two out here, staring out a window…" I couldn't help but smile a bit at Mother's concern for both of us. It was, after all, just about the biggest day in all of Asgard for centuries.

My brother took his place at the entrance to the hall and I took mine next to Mother's near Father's throne as the ceremony began. Thor held Mjölnir high above his head and shouted, causing the entire hall to erupt. If I didn't know any better, I would have said that he was rubbing the sheer might of his hammer in everyone's faces. When he finally made his way to Father's throne, after throwing a wink at Mother and I (earning an eye-roll from us both), Father truly began the coronation.

I hardly heard what he said. Half of me didn't care, just so long as it ended quickly and I could remove my damned helmet. The other half was focusing on the change in temperature. It was small, so most people in the hall probably couldn't feel it, but I did. The air grew colder with every word spoken, cold enough to where people were noticing the change. Then Father stopped, and we voiced our worries at the same time.

"Frost Giants…"


	3. Chapter 3

By the time I had gotten to the chamber where the Casket was, the guards posted there were dead, as were the Frost Giants, the Destroyer was returning to its place, and the Casket itself was on the floor. Father picked it up and put it in its rightful place as Thor began speaking. "The Jotuns must pay for what they've done."

"They have paid." Father responded calmly. "With their lives."

"We should go to Jotunheim and-"

"No, that would be unwise."

Thor fumed. "As King of Asgard-"

"_But you're not king!_" Father bellowed, causing Thor to storm off. I took my leave as well, hoping to catch Thor before he did something really, really stupid.

As I walked down the halls, I began thinking furiously of just how the Jotuns could have gotten past Heimdall. It was impossible! He saw everything that passed in and out of the Bifröst, and would never betray Father like that! The Frost Giants were huge and bulky; they couldn't sneak in without anyone noticing. There was only one other way in and out of Asgard, and-

I froze, color draining from my face. The first time I discovered the portal in the cliffs, I had landed in Jotunheim… _and they saw me._ They saw that I used a portal. They found it, then they used it… The Jotuns had probably been spying on us from that day forth, waiting until we were vulnerable… Oh Valhala, this was all my fault…

"Loki?" Mother's hand rested on my shoulder. Her concerned eyes met mine for but a second. "Is everything alright?"

"Everything's fine, Mother…" I responded quickly, shrugging her hand off and walking faster than I had before. I had to find Thor. As much as I will deny it, there's a soft spot in my heart for that idiot. And if he was killed, or even just injured for my mistake… I would never forgive myself. I'd rather be banished than see that happen.

When I finally found him in the banquet hall, he had flipped an entire table over in his rage. Not that I blamed him for being angry, but really, the _entire table_?

Thor sat on the steps leading to the balcony, sulking. Carefully, I stepped over and sat next to him. "It is unwise to be in my presence now, Brother." He growled.

"Listen, Thor…" I began, my voice weak. _I have to tell him, I have to tell him, I have to tell him…_ The mantra repeated in my head. _But where do I start?_

"If you're going to speak, do so." Thor's voice pulled me out of my thoughts. "If not, then leave."

"…I think you're right." _Oh damn me… _"I think the Jotuns should pay." My brother looked at me carefully. "They should pay for what they've done today."

Footsteps approached us; it was Volstagg, Hogun, Fandral and Sif. Of all the days for them to annoy me, _why today_? I looked over at Thor, who was watching the four come into the room with a mischievous glint in his eye. "Thor, whatever you're thinking…" I didn't get to finish my sentence. My idiot brother stood and approached his friends.

I hadn't even realized that they had spoken until I heard one of them say "Thor, going to Jotunheim is _forbidden _by the All-Father."

"Oh, come on," Thor chuckled, muttering something incomprehensible to me after that. He turned and called Volstagg's name, asking him "Who was the one who showed you feasts so great that you thought you died and went to Valhala?"

"Well, you did!" Was Volstagg's reply through a full mouth of… something.

"Hogun, Fandrall," Brother called his other two male friends. "Who led you into the most glorious battles?"

"…You did." Was Hogun's quiet answer. Fandrall nodded in agreement.

"And Lady Sif," Thor turned towards his last victim, "Who was it that proved that a lady could be one of the most fiercest warriors?"

"I did."

"…Yes, but I supported you."

I rolled my eyes as he concluded, "So it's settled. You're coming with me." Thor turned towards me. "And what say you, Brother?"

"Someone has to keep you out of trouble." I mumbled, standing.

Thor smirked. "Come then, friends. We ride for Jotunheim!"

I lingered behind as he and the rest of them walked out of the banquet hall. With the slightest flick of my wrist, I made a hologram of myself. "Find Father. Tell him what we're doing." The hologram nodded and walked out of a separate doorway than the one Thor took. I joined the rest of them, praying silently that the hologram didn't run into anyone and dissipate.

I was going to keep Thor out of trouble, like I said. I just didn't know how deep in trouble we'd be.

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**This chapter's a bit shorter than the others, but, hey, I did what I could.  
**

**Special thanks to those who favorited, followed and reviewed!**


	4. Chapter 4

Jotunheim was warmer than I remembered. Then again, I was actually prepared for the drastic weather change this time, so it made a bit of sense. But one thing that I do remember is the cold stare of a Frost Giant, watching me, my every move, as if it knew my secret.

We reached Laufey, King of the Jotuns, and my birth father. Not that I considered him that, mind. Thor immediately spoke up, demanding an apology or something along those lines. Then Laufey spoke, and each word was like an icicle being pushed through my heart.

I caught the word 'leave' coming from the Frost Giant's mouth. He was offering us to leave... without fighting?

My mouth began forming words before I even knew what I was doing. "We accept your... most gracious offer." I put a hand on Thor's shoulder, leading him away. Luckily, he and his friends followed. We might make it home before Father finds out, lashes out at us, lashes out at _Thor_...

A cold, gruff voice speaks up behind us in taunt. "Run home, little princess."

I froze. "...Damn."

Thor turned around... and started fighting.

So much for getting home unharmed.

In the heat of the battle, Volstagg was touched and came down with frostbite on his arm. As I turned my head when I heard his cry, a cold hand grabbed mine. I shivered, and my skin seemed to fall off in frozen chunks, leaving a pale blue.

The Giant looked at me, with knowing, red eyes. I froze under it's gaze, the ruby gaze that I truly shared with it. Gritting my teeth in defiance, I pulled my arm away and threw a knife into its esophagus.

There was another cry; Fandral had been stabbed through the chest. Volstagg grabbed him with his good arm and slung him over his shoulder, shouting "Retreat!"

That word was music to my ears. I turned to find my idiot brother still facing the Frost Giants. "Thor, _come on!_" I shouted as the rest of his friends ran past me.

"Go!" He shouted over his shoulder, shooing me away.

Reluctantly, I left him behind. I had to sprint hard to catch up, the sound of ice breaking coming from behind. I looked behind me. A huge monster was running straight towards us. I have no idea what the Hel it was, but it was fast...

And heavy, apparently. It fell straight through the ice, trying to claw its way back up as it plummeted to its doom. I heard Fandral laugh at it's demise.

We ran for a bit longer, until the ice in front of us broke, The monster popped back out of the pit, somehow defying death. It reared its head back, ready to strike...

I heard the sound of thunder come from behind me, and what sounded like a gale blowing passed over our heads, boring a hole in the creature, who, finally, fell to its death.

Thor, who had killed the creature, beckoned us onward, towards home...!

The Bifröst activated against our bidding. A tall figure came down, upon an eight-legged steed, metal eye patch glistening in the light of the portal. Father had arrived, my mind a mix of fear and hope.

The events that followed are those that I shall forever resent in my memories.

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***shows up fifteen minuets late with Starbucks* Um... hi?**

**Sorry for hiatus and short chapter. School is Hell, children, and I am sleepy.**


	5. Chapter 5

As we departed from Jotunheim, I could feel Father's rage radiating off of him. It was truly frightening, to say the least. I wanted nothing more to disappear, but I knew that Thor would get punished for this. I couldn't let that happen, not when I planted the idea in his head in the first place.

Father throws Heimdall his sword. He catches it and backs away, knowing the storm that's to come.

"Why did you bring us back?" Thor growled at Father.

"Do you realize what you've done? What you've started?" He growled back, equally threatening

"I was protecting my home."

"You cannot protect your friends. How can you hope to protect a kingdom?" Father turned to the others standing nearby, holding an injured Fandrall. "Get him to the healing room!" The three standing lead him away, leaving me, Father, and Thor.

"There won't be a kingdom to protect if you're afraid to act!" Thor argued. Odin just stared at him. There was a feeling of someone stabbing me with the sharpest blade ever made. "Whatever the cost, the world must know that the new King of Asgard will not be held in contempt."

"That's pride and vanity! Not leadership! Have you forgotten everything I've taught you? What of a warrior's patience, cunning?" The Allfather yelled at his eldest son.

"While you wait and be patient, the Nine Realms laugh at us! The old ways are done. You'd stand giving speeches while Asgard falls!" The god of thunder screamed back. The knife in my gut pressed.

"You're a vain, greedy, cruel boy!"

"And you are an old man and a fool!"

The knife twisted. The whole world seemed to stop. Father remained silent.

When he spoke, his words were terrifying despite his calmness. "A fool, yes! I was a fool to think you were ready."

I couldn't bear the knife's guilt any longer, I _had_ to say something. I took a step forward. "Father-!" His glare stopped me, but something pushed me to speak further. "I put the idea in his head. It's my fault just as much as his."

Out of the corner of my eye, Thor mouthed the word "No". Father seemed to regard me thoughtfully before turning back to my brother.

"Thor Odinson..." He began. "You have disobeyed the express command of your King. Through your arrogance and stupidity, you have opened these peaceful Realms and innocent lives to the horrors of war." He stabbed his blade into the ground, the Bifrost slowly opening a portal behind Thor. Father stepped towards him, his rage radiating off of him.

"You are unworthy of this Realm..." He ripped something off Thor's chest piece. "...unworthy of your title..." He ripped away Thor's cloak. "...unworthy of the loved ones you've betrayed. You are unworthy!"

He stepped away from him. "I hereby take from you your powers!" Father extended his hand towards Thor. Mjolnir goes flying from my brother's grasp and into his hand. "In the name of my father..." A lightning bolt flew and hit Thor, the right arm of his armor and part of the chest piece slowly disintegrating. "...and of his father before..." Another bolt leaves Thor armor-less and confused, eyes pleading towards the Allfather.

"I, Odin Allfather, cast you out!" Father thrust Mjolnir before him, throwing Thor backwards into the open Bifrost. He disappeared from our sight.

"Loki!" He turned towards me, pointing the hammer menacingly. "You wish to take blame for your brother's actions?"

I looked towards the swirling portal, considering my options for a second. Stay at home, with Mother and Thor's friends and the sense of familiarity, or follow my brother, the one who always pestered me in my childhood yet was (almost) always there, into the unknown?

Turning back to Father, I give him a small nod. I stepped towards the portal, feeling the cloak fall from my back and the armor fall off my body. Only slightly less noticeable was the weakness that went along with most of my magic abilities being sapped away. If I were to follow Thor, I would do it as though I was a mortal.

Taking in one last breath of Asgardian air, I stepped through the portal. The energy surrounded me and pulled me forwards, and I let it pull me along. Vaguely, I heard someone speaking, the words fading away as I was pulled away from my home.

"Whosoever holds this hammer, if he be worthy, shall posses the power of Thor..."

Something whizzed past me in the void, speeding towards wherever we were going. The world approached me at alarming speed, and upon landing, several very confusing things happened at once.

Dust flying everywhere. Something sped by, knocking me back. A loud _thump._ Something screeching. After a brief silence, voices shouting.

"I think that was legally your fault!" Called what sounded like a woman's voice, followed by heavy doors shutting.

"Get the first aid kit!" Shouted another female, who began mumbling something.

Someone stepped next to me, crouching down to where I sat on the ground. "Are you alright?" He asked, looking me in the eye.

"M'fine." I mumbled, the beginnings of a migraine starting to form, pressing at my skull. "Did you find anyone else?"

"I think Jane did," the man answered, offering me a hand. I took it, leaning on him and the big... whatever it was next to me. "Mind telling me why you're out in the middle of nowhere?"

I opened my mouth to reply when Thor started yelling.

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**Guess who's not dead! Me! I'm alive!**


End file.
